Dust
by littlemissowl
Summary: "Your heart was forgotten, broken on the floor, I picked it up; brushed it of Dust." I will always remember the last song Peeta sang to me. The song that gave me hope..Before Snow took him away from me. Forever.
1. Chapter 1

_And she was just another lullaby_

_With candlelight eyes_

_Singing you to sleep_

_Drowsy with heat_

* * *

A cold wind slowly drifts through the halls of District 13. Shivers run through my aching spine as I reach for the only blanket the nurses gave me.

"Stupid nurses," I murmur, "Stupid Katniss."

The words 'stupid' and 'Katniss' both in the same sentence make my throat swell up; my fingers clench the thin blanket and my teeth grit together, my eyes wandered the room to find a clock.

Oh right, no clocks for me.

They had me caged in here like an animal, like I'm just a test subject for their stupid researchers; like I'm not a human being, but rather something infested, something to be studied, something to be _fixed_.

I try to move, but the serum running through my veins bites back. The needle digs deeper into my blood stream and I am forced to lie back down.

_Contained_, I think, like an _animal_.

I hear faint footsteps and peek outside of the tinted glass walls. Well.. try to peek..

"Who is it?" I ask gruffly, hoping the visitor will leave, but the light footsteps grow progressively louder in the deserted halls.

"Hello?" I ask nervously, _'probably just Mary checking up on me.. or whatever her name is.. Shelly? Martha?' _I laugh a bit at how many names I've come up with just to ignore the eerie footsteps.

Click clack..k..k..k.. click clack..k..k..k..

I grab the blanket tighter and turned on my side, _Ergh_.. I cringe from the pain and hold my side. The needle stays put for once and I relax on my side, hiding from the unwelcome stanger.

Click clack..k..k..k.. click clack..k..k..k..

My lips purse and I curl my toes, "Hurry up already, I don't have all night," I raise my eyebrows and grin sheepishly.

"Good one.." I say, shaking my head.

_He's talking to himself_, the Doctors would say if they heard me right now, _He's reached the next level of crazy. _

As much as I don't want someone to come into my cage with me, I need someone here. Someone who wanted to be here. Someone who actually cares.

The thought of a guest stung my nose. My hand went to my eyes, _Tears..? Why am I crying over this?_

I need someone who cares enough to take care of me.

Someone who isn't afraid of a monster.

* * *

**A/N: My beta, silencewillfallinlove, is amazingly patient. You are a Saint :] Thank you3**

**Disclaimer, I do not own Hunger Games.**


	2. Chapter 2

I hold a picture of us. It's old, tattered, worn. It's special.

To _me_ at least.

This picture is among the many objects I was given before the tragic accident.

More than _tragic.._

Heartbreaking.

I hold it close to my heart, and feel the repetitive beat against the flimsy photograph. I close my eyes, and dig into my slightly fluffed pillow. Emotions don't come easy to me, but right now I really wish they could.

"I'm so sorry, Peeta.." I say softly, "I'm so sorry.." I kiss the photo and set it right next to me. Positioning his face exactly how he usually does, just like if he was really _here_.

But he _isn't._

I bite my lips and turn away from the photo, squeezing my eyes shut.

"It's just a bad dream, just a bad dream!" I say protesting to myself, "in the morning, he's going to run through those doors and—" My nose begins to sting, my eyes begin to water, and my lip quivers.

"He'll _never_ come back to me.." I say with my voice cracking from the strenuous crying.

I feel weak.

I feel_ venerable._

"I need to talk with him," I say getting up and walking to the door. But my hand stops at the large handle that awaits me.

_What if he lases out on you again? _I thought, _What if he—_I shake my head from the thought and open the door. I head for the Doctor's laboratory area, which is a few feet lower.

I walk down the halls, I see flickering lights and hear the buzzing of the electrical wires. I walk a little slower to take my time and think about what I'm going to say. What I'm going to do.

_Why_ I'm doing this.

I think back to the Quarter Quell when we were talking on the beach. Everything about Peeta was so real. His loving personality, his care for others, how amazingly interesting he is. I don't understand why I see all of this now, all of the good things. When before, all I could see was a boy who made bread.

And _saved_ your life.

I smile at the thought of Peeta in his bakery, making cheese buns and cupcakes. Him up in his room, painting _another _portrait of me. Peeta giving me a small kiss in front of Haymitch, just to see him go bonkers.

I need Peeta by my side.

Even if the Peeta that's _here_, isn't the Peeta I _want_.


	3. Chapter 3

The footsteps grow louder and louder as they slowly echo down the gloomy halls. My fingers twitch and my pulse begins to rise.

"Where's Martha here when you need her?" I scream loudly, hoping to catch the guest's attention.

The footsteps stop.

My eyebrows raise and I turn my head, I don't see a shadow. I actually can't see anything at all.

Not even a small glint of light.

"Hello?" I ask timidly. I'm hoping my voice sounds a lot braver to the stranger than it did to me.

No one responds.

"Stupid footsteps," I say mumbling angrily, turning my head away from the small opening in the room.

The Doctors would always tell me a way to relax myself was to breathe in and out, I tried to do this, but it always hurt. I always remembered something, something that used to _haunt_ me.

'_Breathe in, and out, in, one more time—and out. Very good, Mr. Mellark, your breathing has been getting better. Any drowsiness? Loss of feeling in any body parts?' _

_Besides my leg?, I thought drily._

The typical morning routine; tell you you're getting better, give you terrible food, and wait for you to _rot._

Simple as that. 

The Doctor's would also hook me up to a strange machine, one with buttons all around the sides, and a huge screen in the middle. My pulse was taken, and my voice recorded at the same time.

'_Peeta, what things did they do to you back in the Capitol?' _they would ask.

No response. I sat there, dead, not willing to give up the information that haunted my nightmares, night after night.

'_Did they use specific torture machines? Like electric chairs?' _again, bringing up the horrible topic.

'_Yes..' _my tone, cold, lifeless, dead. I wanted to let this conversation die with the old me, the _me_ that knew nothing. The _me_ I wish I still was.

I snap back into reality, hearing the faint footsteps coming closer once again.

I have the urge to get up and confront this anonymous company, but my IV has decided differently.

The footsteps finally come to yet another stop, but this time I can see the guest.

"Peeta?" says a voice quietly.

Katniss.


	4. Chapter 4

As I walk down the abandoned halls, my footsteps and breathing are the only noises you can hear. My fingers play with the District 13 uniform pants.

More like _rags_.

But a girl from the Seam shouldn't expect much, even though I am a Victor. It doesn't change what I grew up with.

Walking closer and closer to the laboratory makes me feel sick, so I stop. I begin to hear weird grunts and groans, but I ignore the sounds.

_What should you say, Katniss? That you finally figured out how to love him? Like he'll believe you, _I say to myself, the hard reality causing me to cringe at each word.

It's true; he won't believe me.

He hates me, he wants me dead, he wants me out of his life.

But I want him _back_.

Snow took him away from me. Snow took my husband, and it's time I fight for Peeta.

_You're finally figuring out this now? _

I'm absolutely pathetic_._

I walk at a faster pace, planning in my mind the speech I'm going to give to Peeta.

My breathing speeds up. I'm a step away from the little glass panel they keep open, just in case of an emergency.

"Peeta..?" I ask softly, hoping he won't start yelling at me.

I hear no response, just a snore.

_He's asleep; just leave him, talk to him in the morning. _

No. I'm not going to back down. No. I need to speak with him.. I _need_ to.

I walk over and pull a chair up to the foot of the bed. I take a nice long breath and grab my rag like pants. I begin my speech, pouring out all the things that I have kept under wraps for so long, things I could never say to a conscious Peeta.

"Peeta, I know you're probably sleeping, but…I came tonight, because I need to tell you …I need to tell you I'm sorry," my voice is quiet, almost a whisper, "I'm sorry for the first Games, I'm sorry you…I'm sorry you fell in love with me. You really shouldn't have done that, it caused you a lot more trouble than you would have been in, you know. I'm sorry I got us into this mess.. How I got you _hurt_." My voice breaks at the end, but I keep going, "I know, if this happened to me, you would have a personal _dinner_ with Snow.." I say, chuckling a bit.

My eyes relax on the sleeping boy in the hospital bed. How he would get up in the middle of the night just to check up on me. He never did anything because he wanted something, he did all of that because… because he cares. Even when you don't ask, he knows. It's like he can read minds. And my mind is the one he reads the easiest.

"Peeta.. I miss you," I say, practically choking it out of my mouth.

_Sappy, even the old Peeta would laugh at that one._

I bite my lips, but before I could speak the sleeping boy got up and was facing me. His eyes look.. _dead_.

My body moved back a bit, my pulse was going through the roof, and my fingers clung onto the rickety chair.

His eyes flutter open slowly, drowsily. I pray a silent prayer that he has not heard me, yet part of his almost wants him to have heard.

He looks up at me, his eyes somewhat wild and his hair tousled from sleep, "Why are you saying this now?" He asks mistrustfully.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, mentally preparing myself for the sentence I am about to say.

"Because I love you."


	5. Chapter 5

I hear her breathe for a second, as if bracing herself for something, and then she walks to the foot of my bed. She spins the Doctor's chair around and sits in it.

I hear her take a deep breath and she begins to speak,

"Peeta, I know you're probably sleeping, but…I came tonight, because I need to tell you …I need to tell you I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the first Games, I'm sorry you…I'm sorry you fell in love with me. You really shouldn't have done that, it caused you a lot more trouble than you would have been in, you know.

"I'm sorry I got us into this mess.. How I got you _hurt_." Her voice was quiet, timid.. _beautiful_. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to shake the thought of Katniss out of my head, but I can't.

Katniss continues on with her confession, clueless to my current state of consciousness.

"I know, if this happened to me, you would have a personal _dinner_ with Snow.." she says, laughing a bit to herself.

I laugh in my head too, but cut myself off abruptly. Part of me would laugh; the other wouldn't even try, and I don't know which part of me is the _real_ me, I don't know who I am, who I'm _supposed_ to be.

"Peeta…I miss you," her voice is trembling, she sounds like she wants to add more; but it's all her heart can take.

_You need to say something, _I tell myself.

_Why should I? She probably needs me for something; she wouldn't just do this out of her own way, _I argue.

_She would. You may not see it, but I do._

I smile, it seems the pro-Katniss side of me won this argument, and breathe deeply.

_It feels good to smile. And it's all because of her._

I lift myself up and look straight at her, feeling drowsy and weak. She backs away from me with fear, like I was about to pounce on her and drag her into a secret cave.

"Why are you saying this now?" I ask in a raspy tone, thinking about what she might say or do.

Her breath hitches. She takes a moment to process the turn of events, the fact that I heard her, the fact that I'm awake, the fact that _I'm not trying to kill her_. She seems to have reached a conclusion; I can see it in her eyes.

"Because I love you," she says softly, raising her eyebrows.

My throat constricts itself and my heart beats faster and faster.

'_Peeta, I want Katniss dead, understood? She's a threat to my Capitol. And whoever's a threat to the Capitol—'_

'_Must be killed at once,' _

My eyes stung at the thought, I can't love her.

I can't get her hurt. She's…She's the Mockingjay.

She's my Katniss.

"I don't love you though, Katniss," I say, choking the false words out of my mouth.

Her eyes watered, her fingers grabbed the District 13 uniform pants, her mouth quivered.

I look at her, my eyes focus on her beautiful, grey eyes. Her long, dark brown hair, going down her olive skin.

I can't do this.

I get up and walk towards her, stumbling on the bed; trying to hold myself up. Her eyes grow wider and she backs up slightly. Her feet hit the floor and she comes up next to me. Her hand reaches for mine and I slowly grab it.

_Soft...gentle._

"Peeta…What are you doing?" she says holding my hand and grabbing my side to pull me up.

"Getting us in trouble," I wink and dive my lips onto Katniss'.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry I didn't update yesterday :[ I was on vacation Dx**

**Enjoy this chapter of.. FLUFF :D I shall put more fluff :3**

* * *

I squeeze my eyes shut, preparing myself for what I think might happen.

_A kiss from Peeta, _I say in the back of my mind, _does this mean he still…? _I mentally shake my head and continue to kiss his soft lips.

My lips repeatedly go over his and my hands explore his back. I feel his heart beat faster and faster. Slowly I move my hips against him, trailing my hands down his back.

"Katniss…" Peeta quietly moans, his eyes flutter and his hand lets go of the bed. His right hand goes up to my face and feels my ears; his left hand wraps around my waist and pulls me closer. I feel his heart beat faster and faster against my chest, he groans louder and digs his nails into my skin, going down my back slowly.

He quickly runs his fingers through my hair, letting go of my lips. I helplessly beg for more, leaning my head forward, waiting for his touch. His hands trail up to my cheeks and softly rubs them; holding his gaze with my eyes.

His eyes look…_different_.

Before…now, they were dull, lifeless…now… They're bright and full of life.

_Did I do that? _I think to myself in shock.

Seconds later his lips find their way onto mine. He breathes heavily and sneaks his hand up my shirt, I playfully smack his hand away; he laughs a little at me.

"Come on Katniss," he says in a flirty tone, raising his eyebrows.

I blush a bit, fluttering my eyes and twirling his hair with my finger.

"Peeta… There are cameras!" I gasp, feigning shock, and giving a peck on his cheek.

"_So? _Let's give them something to watch," he says kissing, and pulling me into him.

I giggle and give him a small kiss, savoring every minute. These are the moments I've been waiting for. No cameras, no orders, no one watching us. Just Peeta and me together, kissing.

I chuckle at my thoughts and run my fingers through his hair, kissing his nose softly and giving him small kisses on his neck.

He relaxes and sits on the bed with me on his lap. I curl up in a ball and rest on his chest; his breathing is shallow, and raspy. I look up to him and see him staring straight at me. His eyes are still bright, happy, and beautifully handsome. I can't help but get lost in them, it's so hard not to.

"Katniss, no need to worry about me… I'll be fine," he says looking out of the lighted room, smiling as he holds me.

He looked at me like I was insane, "I knew you were hearing my breathing, I could see your hand move against my chest, feeling the air go in and out. I also could see you checking yours." Peeta says cheerfully, brushing my hair from my face, "I'm getting better since I have you now," he says softly, pulling his head to my small forehead; kissing it slowly, then putting his forehead on mine. "I promise," Peeta says kissing me, holding my neck and legs up.

I smile and dive my lips into his; I missed this Peeta. The one that always knows what I do, good or bad… and never judges me for it.

"Katniss?" Peeta says quietly, holding my head close to his.

"Hmm?" my eyes flutter and I smile.

"I love you too."


	7. Chapter 7

Kissing Katniss makes me feel like I'm walking on air. She helps me forget the pain I've been through; the pain I'm going through now.

Her lips are soft and addictive, they remind me of roses: beautiful, red, and sweet. Once you start kissing those lips, she makes it hard for you to stop.

_Peeta, you have to stop. You're only going to endanger Katniss more, _a voice says in my head, urging me to stop. But I can't.

I can't stop at all.

Even if I try to move away from her, my heart won't let me.

I'm gladit won't let me.

After a while she ends up in my arms, giggling and making assumptions about my recovery. A few moments of looking at each other, I blurt out words I'll never forget.

"I love you too," I say looking at her, straight in those beautiful gray eyes.

She looks at me, shocked, "What?" she says, fixing herself in my arms.

"I love you too," I say slower, raising my eyebrows, and making a kissy face with the 'too'.

Katniss smiles a bit; she wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes me. I hear a soft sniffle and a deep breath come from her, and she squeezes tighter.

I laugh and pull at her waist, bringing her back into my lap. She smiles at me and gives me a long, sweet kiss. Her hands go up to my face and she smiles.

I love that smile.

She snuggles into me again and closes her eyes.

"Peeta?" she says yawning a bit.

"Yeah?" I say playing with her hair.

She doesn't respond.

"Katniss…?" I say trembling, hoping she's alright.

_Did I hurt her? Did I say something? Maybe she got sick, maybe she's-! _My mind is rambling on crazy thoughts. I can't let Katniss get hurt; she's the only thing I have.

I shook her body a bit, she opened her eyes and clutched onto my arm with wild eyes. She looked at me and sighed in relief.

"Peeta! What was that?" she said closing her eyes again, twitching her nose.

I cough a little and pick her up, "Sorry," I say softly. I lay her onto the hospital bed and put my _only_ cover on her.

She looks at me as I walk over to the Doctor's chair, "Where are you going, Mr. Mellark?" she says with one eye open.

"Over here," I yawn and bring the chair up to the hospital bed, right next to Katniss.

Katniss pouts and grabs my hand, "Sleep riiiiiiight here!" she points to the spot on the bed and pulls me up. I groan but cooperate with her, dragging myself onto the bed.

She turns and faces me, smiling and holding my hand. She slowly closes her eyes and puts the blanket over us, then yawns one more time before she goes fully to sleep.

Occasionally I see her feet move from the heat of the blanket, then they move to my cold feet. Sliding her toes into small spaces, and pushing her behind into my stomach. She hugs herself in her sleep, moves around a lot, and her hair whacks me in the face usually. I don't mind though, and I continue to observe her. I know she's having a good dream, because she looks so at peace, she smiles to herself and switches her arms under the pillow.

She growls a bit and extends her foot straight into my crotch. My eyes widen and water at the same time, I silently scream in my head and I grab my crotch.

I stay up all night to watch her sleep, justincase someone comes to take her from me.

I chuckle to myself a bit, brushing hair from my face.

Too bad no one can.


	8. Chapter 8

Last night is mostly a blur, the kisses, the stares. But one thing could not leave my mind. It was stuck, just like glue. Implanted in my brain.

'_I love you too,' _his voice was soft, low, and a bit raspy. I didn't mind at the moment. I was so happy inside I could burst like a firecracker; but all I did was smile.

My outward emotions will always be dramatically different then my inward emotions. Sometimes they can switch, but most likely they won't. It's a habit that I've grown attached to ever since my father died. Prim always tells me that emotions should be equally balanced, but I can't help it.

But with Peeta…It's different. Everything is…_normal_. I can act out of my element with him, even though he's still recovering, he plays along too. He treats me like me, not like a Victor, not like the girl on fire, but like Katniss. Katniss Everdeen.

~page break :D~

Waking up is harder than I thought down here; you never know if it's night or day. All you can see is metal: cold, dull metal. And when a swarm of doctors surround you in the middle of the night is even worse.

"Ms. Everdeen, what are you doing down here?" I hear a nurse chime in the back.

"You can't be with this patient, he's not stable!" one of the doctors grabs my arms and shoos me out of the glass recovery room.

Peeta wakes up, stunned, and gets up slowly. He reaches for a cane he was given recently from the nurses and walks up to the doctor, staring at him dead in the eye, my hands press up against the glass and I breathe heavily.

_Don't be stupid, don't be stupid, please don't do something stupid! _I pray a silent prayer, crossing my fingers and biting my lips.

He says something to the doctor and walks over to me, I hold my breath and wait to see what Peeta does. He lifts his left hand up and put it to the glass, smiling and giving me a small, playful wink.

He mouths to me, 'Come back later,' rolling his eyes at the doctors as they wait for their patient.

I smile and nod, putting my fingers to the glass, and mouth back, 'Don't be stupid.' I narrow my eyes and giggle.

He laughs a bit and waves to me, grabbing his cane again and walking to the doctors. They hold a weird remote and tint the glass walls. I raise my eyebrows and walk back to my room, hopeful to get more sleep.

I walk through the halls, the lights still flickering, the electrical wires still buzzing. I take a detour to the cafeteria, where I see a weird shadow.

It's Annie.

I walk over to see her curled up in a ball, whispering to herself, holding her arms and shaking. I bend down and lightly touch her shoulder, she snaps her head over to me and **bellows** fill the room. **She flops into my arms and cries about the torture she went through, the nightmares she's had, how she's scared to lose Finnick. **

I'm terrible with these things; I can barely help myself with personal crises. Helping others with their problems isn't my strong point, the main thing I do is listen, and say reassuring words that hopefully make sense. I pet her hair awkwardly, and continue to listen to her.

She finally begins to let up her tears and curls up next to me, a small heating vent is next to her and I move us to that side, giving us some heat in the airy room. Annie sniffles a bit and knocks out in my lap. I try to pick her up, using different methods, none of them but one work… pulling her over my shoulder, while her butt is in my face.

_Perfect. _

I walk a few steps until I see another shadow appear in my view.

Gale.


	9. Chapter 9

Having the doctors' ruin my sleep makes me angry; but them shooing Katniss out of my room like I'm a deranged animal? That makes me angrier.

I can't move as quickly as I would like to, but my point gets across pretty well with these toothpick doctors. One of them can't even look at me in the eyes; she always plays with her collar like she has something better to do than look at me.

"Why'd you do that, doc?" I ask, placing my cane near his foot.

"It's for your own good, Mr. Mellark. Unfortunately, you aren't stable enough to have Ms. Everdeen in the same room with you," Doctor number one says and fixes his cuffs, staring at me and licking his dry lips.

"I'm fine," I say, growling at him and walking over to Katniss, who is watching us from the soundproof walls.

'Come back later,' I mouth to her, smiling a bit.

'Don't do anything stupid,' she mouths back, narrowing her eyes at me and giggling a bit.

Her walking away hurt my heart, I don't know why, it just does. I don't want her to leave… I have to protect her. Someone could hurt her, someone could take her from me.

Take her from me forever.

The doctors take me in for tests, tests, and even more tests. Blood tests, vision tests, physical tests, and very odd eating test. After a few hours they left me for my 'free time', which is actually just their nice way of saying 'lay in a bed till we come back'.

I walk slowly to bed as the sea of doctors leave my room and go check out some other patients. But one of the nurses stays, I think her names Martha, or something along the line of that.

She walks slowly over to me and sits on the bed, wiggling her feet around just to face towards me. I feel the tension in the room getting higher and higher. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable…I mean, she's someone who took the time to take care of me…

_What are you talking about? They cage you in here like an animal, remember? _A small voice in my head protests, raising my eyebrows in agreement.

_It obviously means they care, _a voice bites back, _they don't even let the senior citizens walk alone. They don't want people getting out of hand. Even if they assume the wrong things. _I nod softly to my good side and faintly smile.

I forgot Martha is watching me the whole time.

_She thinks you're insane, so it's all good right? _ A bitter voice says in my head.

Ouch.

I sit myself up nicely and face her, giving her a half-hearted smile.

"Hello, Martha," I say with small question in my voice.

"It's Mary," she says blinking her eyes a few times, unimpressed by the name.

_So close!_

"Mary, I mean!" I say quickly, smiling through the mistake, "What do you need? Another test? Some more samples? Maybe—"

"Don't worry, Mellark. This will only take a second," she says getting up and walking to the small screen right in front of me.

My eyes narrow a bit, watching what she's doing, "Excuse me, Miss Mary quite contrary." I snicker a bit and watch her eyes find their place to mine.

She gets a tube and brings it over to me, "You're the funny guy, I see," she laughs a bit and brings the tube to my IV. She pushes a button and a new medicine runs through it. It's a murky type of green, almost like moss.

"What is that?" I say looking at it go through the tube, confused and amazed.

"Hermalyquidote, it's a new medicine that helps our patients eat more. There are many other medicines, but this ones a charmer," she says proudly, clicking the button, making the flow stop.

"Why?" I say lying back onto the rough bed, my head began to spin and I held onto the sides.

Before she could tell me I barfed all over her.


	10. Chapter 10

"Hey, Catnip," the shadow says, a little too roughly, walking into the light and finally showing his face.

"Gale," I say, trying to carry the sleeping Annie back to Finnick's room. She snores a bit and moves her butt even closer to mine.

"Want me to help you with that?" he asks, grabbing Annie from my back, and I stretch my sore muscles as he walks down the hall with me.

I wish life wasn't as hard as it is now: Gale is working with bombs, while Peeta is getting fixed up. I open Finnick's door and set Annie down on his bed, Finnick isn't in the room, and we leave. It's odd not seeing Finnick's face, I haven't seen him in a while, and Annie has been having these break downs for a while. I would be doing the same if I didn't see Peeta for a long time… Just like when Snow took Peeta from me.

I walked back to the cafeteria without saying a word to Gale, it didn't even feel like we were friends anymore … It hurts my heart, but not even close to how much it looks like it's hurting Gale. His eyes are solemn, lips down, body language—out of the question.

Gale swiftly grabs my arm and pulls me close, "Are you alright, Catnip?" he asks softly, a tone I've given into one too many times.

I stay put in his grasp, "I'm fine, Gale. Why are you worried about me?" I say, stepping back a bit and bracing myself for his response.

He huffs and brushes my hair back, his lips come closer to mine, "I have to worry, Katniss," he inches closer and closer to my face.

"Gale…" I say in a warning tone, hoping that will make him stop. But it doesn't even faze him.

His lips pound into mine; he pushes me against the cold metal walls, still grabbing my hands.

My eyes dart around the room, whether I move or not, he continues to hold me. I shake my head away from his and he continues, pressing more and more into the walls. He lets go of my lips only to breathe, then continues to kiss me. My heart beats faster, I don't want this… I _hate _this.

My hand finally slips free and I slap Gale, I back away and run to my room. He chases after me and grabs my waist.

"What did I do wrong, Katniss?" he says breathing heavily, his eyes piercing through my soul.

"I…I don't know…" I say tearing my grip away from him, I stand in my place and bite the inside of my lip.

"I love you, Katniss, ever since the day I met you. I fell in love with you," Gale says desperately, waiting for the other words to complete the puzzle.

The world stops.

_Is he telling the truth? Why would he bring this up now, of all times… You've known him forever, but he's changed. You don't need him… He… I… We wouldn't be able to do it. I… I don't even have feelings for him anymore. _My heart stopped at those few words. Words that I would of never thought of with Gale. Gale the one who took the time to take care of my family, Gale the one who took the time to teach me half of everything I know, Gale the one I…I cared for. _Times have changed, Katniss, _a voice says in my head. I agree with the voice in my head and slowly start to walk away from Gale, without even responding. Holding my breath for Gale's possible retort.

"So, you're just going to walk away from me, Katniss?" he asks coldly, making my noise sting; but I continue to walk.

"Did you not hear me?!" he yells, his voice quivering.

I continue to walk.


	11. Chapter 11

After an hour of lectures, being yelled at, and staring off into space, Mary finally left. Yes, I felt terrible for what I did, but I didn't know those meds would make me puke all over her; but part of me slightly enjoyed the accident. I wish it were another person though, like that doctor who shooed Katniss away… Or that one doctor who practically pounced on me to get the IV in. I shake my head and lay back into the firm bed, trying to get some sleep.

I close my eyes and slip into a nightmare.

I'm back in the torture chamber; Snow is sitting on a small chair, asking me questions that I can't quite hear. He barks orders to the peacekeepers, and they begin to beat me. I feel the sting in my ribs, my heart pounds like crazy and a sharp needle goes into my neck slowly, making the pain last longer than it should. As the hallucinogenic fluid kicks in, my eyes slowly began to close, and my body gives out.

My eyes open slowly, I feel the bed around me and I breathe in deeply. I bite my lips and slowly get up.

_I'm a monster… Why did Snow even keep me alive? I should be dead, _a voice in the back of my head says roughly, while I uncomfortably twitch my fingers around my prosthetic leg.

I hear a soft knock on the glass window; I look over to see a small shadow. Even the florescent lights can't catch a glimpse of it.

It's Gale.

"Open up, Pretty boy," he says through the glass, obviously flustered with something. He puts his hands on the glass and twitches his mouth from side to side, waiting for me.

I slowly walk up to the glass door and open it with my cane, "Why are you here, Gale?" I ask, walking back to my bed and setting my cane down.

His face turns stone cold; holding a strong gaze with my eyes. Gale holds his breath and his face begins to warm up again. He brings up a chair and sits next to my bed, his eyes meet up to mine, they're lonely. "She's always had a thing for bakers, I couldn't make bread for the life of me… She has a knack for sweet things, like icing, and cake… We could never afford it, but she always would talk about how one day she'd get a cupcake at your bakery and split it with her sister, Prim." Gale sighed a bit and put his hand on my leg, "Take care of her, Peeta."

I sit in my bed stunned, I nod slowly to him and we sit there looking at each other for a while.

Gale smiles a bit and walks out of the room. He comes back and peeks his head around the door, "One more thing," he says softly; my eyes instantly go back to his, "don't tell Katniss about this little chat, alright? It's best she doesn't know." He smiles and walks out of the light.

I nod as he walks away, just a small nod. I never knew Gale cared about Katniss that much, all I remember was him rushing me into the hospital room. But that's it.

Memories flood back… But they are too fuzzy to pick out. Too dim to know if they're dreams or reality.

_I never remember being a baker…I can barely even remember my own parents. Did I have siblings? When will people start telling me who I was? When will I hear the truth for once? _My head rambles on and on, hoping to find answers, hoping to become the old me. Hoping that one day I'll finally figure out why all this happened. Happened to me, Katniss, my family… To everyone. Why we're all in this underground mess, why we can barely go outside anymore. Why we're so scared to go against Snow.

I close my eyes and try to forget, try to forget my fake leg, the monster inside of me, and what everyone else thinks of me…

"What do they think of me?"I say to myself, my throat constricting on itself. Urging me to stop thinking about this whole mess.

"Nothing," a voice says behind me, "everyone else is just afraid of what the Capitol can do."

It's Katniss.


	12. Chapter 12

When I left Gale I didn't feel anything. I felt empty…like I abandoned someone who cared so much for me. And all I did was leave.

I walk quickly to my room, hoping no one just heard what happened, I open the hatch to my room and slid into my firm, District 13 bed. I close my eyes, only to toss around in my bed, and groan at my awkward positions. I slowly roll out of the bed and slug around on the floor.

_What did you do, Katniss… You can barely even trust Peeta…Even if the old one is still in there. Why did you throw all your chances away? Gale… He may not be perfect, but he really cares… Does he? _My eyes sting andI hit my head against the cold ground, forcing tears out of my eyes.

A soft knock makes my tears stop. I get up and slowly reach for the handle, trying to see who it is.

"Come on, sweetheart, I know you're up," a voice grumbled, it sounded rusty, slightly sober.

Haymitch.

I open the door and he barrels in, sitting himself down on my bed, looking up at me and flashing a fake smile.

"Come in," I say looking at him, raising my eyebrows sarcastically.

"I've got some news about the mission," he says grumbling, scratching his uneven beard.

_Mission?_

"Coin is getting all of her best men and women to help you with this Capitol test, whatever you want to call it, sweetheart," he breathes in and continues. " She wants you to begin training tomorrow, the mission will begin in two weeks. Enough time to get you ready for whatever the Capitol will throw at us." He looks at me and awkwardly pats my back, "Get some rest, Boggs will be here at 7:3O a.m to bring you to the simulation room." Haymitch leaves the room and closes the door again, walking away with heavy steps.

_Mission… Practice… The Capitol… Snow, he'll be in the palm of my hand… Revenge will be given… For Peeta, Rue, and all of the Districts_. I begin to plot my plans against the Capitol, my mind races, my pulse pumps. I find myself writing on the walls, sketches of my nightmares, ways to kill Snow. My hands turn numb… my body goes cold. My eyes narrow and I bang my fist against the metal, and my body screams out.

I slam the door open and walk to Peeta's room, I need to tell him what's happening; I want to hear his voice. That voice that sings my nightmares away, those lips that give me hope. I practically run to his room, squeezing my hands together, praying that he's still awake. Biting my lips and repeating exactly what Haymitch said.

I begin to slow down and walk quietly into Peeta's room, I hear him mumble, "What do they think of me?" his voice was trembling, lonely, scared.

I smile a bit, "Nothing," I say proudly, "everyone else is just afraid of what the Capitol can do." My heart stops, those words seem to slightly hurt him; remembering hazily what he went through in the Capitol.

My feet shuffle over to his bed, he smells like puke and baby powder. My nose cringes and I give him a small kiss on his forehead. He purrs a bit, smiling a little and wrapping his leg around the other. I chuckle a bit and pull up a chair next to the bed. I situate myself just right, and face him, making a serious face.

"Peeta, Haymitch just told me some news… And I thought you should be the first to know…Because I mean… People always kept secrets from you… And I'm going to change that," I say, holding his thin hands. Peeta's gotten so thin; it makes me feel sick... I just want to give him all of my food, and make him better. I just want my Peeta back. My old Peeta.

"Go on, Katniss. I'm all ears," he said looking at me, innocently, with those beautiful eyes.

"I'm going to the Capitol to kill Snow."


	13. Chapter 13

The words 'I'm going to kill Snow' and Katniss's voice going along with it make me furious.

"Katniss, I'm not letting you go," I say as strong as I possibly can, holding myself up.

"Peeta…" she says looking up to me, "I have to, it's my duty. I'm the Mockingjay," Katniss swiftly places her hand on mine, and I pull back.

"They're going to take you away from me. He's going to hurt you just like he did to me. Snow is going to make you like me," my voice is trembling; I don't want Katniss to be like me, I don't want anyone to hurt her. She's the only person I have that trusts me, the only person that still cares.

Her eyes soften and she places her hand on my cheek, brushing her thumb up and down it repeatedly. "Peeta… anyone could take me away, it's time I find Snow and kill him for what he's done to Panem. For what he's done to Rue… District 12… and you," she looks up to me and bites her lip, her voice is soft and very distinct at this moment. She knows what she has to do, but I still can't grasp it.

"I don't want you to go…" my hand tucks itself under the covers. I want to touch that beautiful face, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to let go of it.

"I know, Peeta… But I'm going, they already have a date planned, practices set up, and a whole team is ready to go with me! I didn't even know about this until a few hours ago!" her voice crumbled a bit; her appearance of 'I know what I'm doing' has drastically changed into 'I'm scared'.

I scoot over to the edge of the bed, and grab Katniss's hand and kiss it awkwardly.

"Katniss, I know you're scared, and so am I, but I will be right here waiting for you, cheering you on." She smiles at those words and I continue, " Snow deserves to be killed, and… I believe you can stop him from turning Panem into a hell on earth." Her eyes are glistening, Katniss leans her head against mine and her lips begin to quiver. I hold her head against my chest and rock her head back and forth, "Katniss, it's alright to be afraid, it's alright to be scared. It's alright, it's alright." My voice coos over her for a while, I feel her eyes flutter against my chest and she wraps her arms around me. My body tenses, I feel like I need to push her away, my mind goes blank, but I continued to hold her. I can't let her down… she needs someone.

"I love you, Peeta…" she says practically mumbling it from my chest, but I hear her loud and clear.

"I love you too, Katniss. I love you too," my voice calms her and she squeezes me.

I feel her move but I stay in my place, still trying to keep her calm, and her lips creep onto mine. I moan softly and she continues, my arms go down to her waist and I pull her into me. My stubby nails dig into her skin and she moans, she puts her forehead on my shoulder and I continue to dig my nails into that same spot. I move myself more onto the bed and she follows, straddling my sides and kissing my lips more. My hands shake a bit and I bring them to her back, digging my nails in different places, and a soft moan leaves her mouth once again.

A thought comes to my head and I lift her up, "Wait here, I need to get something," I grab my cane and quickly walk to the cafeteria.

I remember faintly what District 12 was like, but after my talk with Gale, I remember what I used to do in my bakery.

I go into the food storage and grab a small loaf of bread. I look at it oddly and try to wrap my head around what I'm about to do. I rush into a faintly lit room and take the candle away, making everything seem pitch dark. I breathe in and out, holding the bread tightly.

A toasting.


	14. Chapter 14

Before Peeta left, I felt like I was literally walking on air. He knows exactly what to do, exactly what to say, exactly how to react. He's just…perfect.

My stomach flutters at the thoughts, my fingers shake a little, I wanted to do more than just kiss. A lot more… I'm not going into brief detail, because the feeling is so hard to explain. The drive, the _wanting _of it all.

My fingers graze over the firm bed, looking back at the open doorway, hoping Peeta was back. I brainlessly check my breath, fix my hair, and dust off my clothes. I try to act… _sexy. _

Peeta's lucky he isn't here right now.

I bite my lips and play with my hair, thinking of other ways to _lure _him in. I lay on the bed, with my head shoved in between two thin pillows.

_I'm a failure at this. I'm as charming as a dead slug, right? _My mind says negatively, making me groan and huff hot air into the pillows. I hear footsteps that progressively grow louder and louder. I fixate myself, messing my hair up, and posing oddly on the bed. He comes in with a candle and something in his shirt, which makes me giggle a bit.

"That bed hasn't ever looked appealing until now," he winks awkwardly and walks slowly up to me with his cane. He sets the candle on a nearby wooden stand, drags it over, and sits on the bed. He breathes in, and then out, looking at me with his gorgeous eyes.

He then pulls out a small loaf of bread.

I gasp a little and look up to him, "A toasting? Now?" I say blushing a bit. His hand tears off a piece of bread and hands it to me.

"Better now then never," he chuckles and puts his piece over the dim candle, and I do the same.

Peeta looks at me, hesitating; he doesn't know what to do.

I smile, and open my mouth to begin my vows, but Peeta races on ahead of me.

"Katniss, I…I care about you. You make me happy, even when everyone tries to bring me down. I… I just want to thank you, for believing in me, not even the doctors have faith in me, but you do. Thank you for taking out your time for me, and trusting me. Even though I have my moments, but you always see through them. Whatever happens to us, I want it to always be a good thing. Something we can both grow from, and live happier from it. I can't tell you how many times I want to hold you, and keep you safe. I feel like everything here is going to hurt you. And I may sound clingy… but I'm clingy because I worry. I never ever want what happened to me, to happen to you. I would go insane, even worse than how I already am. I may not remember a lot, Katniss… But I do remember one thing… And that's loving you," tears welded in my eyes, and he smiled.

He breathed deeply and I began my vow, "Peeta… From the start of this mess, I never gave up on you. Seeing you hurt, seeing you in pain, seeing you not by my side… it made me go crazy. I just wanted you back, and I never want you to hurt like Snow made did. I need you Peeta; I need you with me always, for better or for worse… in health or in sickness. You make me happy, Peeta, you make me feel better. You make this miserable world… A livable place. I'm going to be here for you, Peeta, you're going to get better, and I'm never going to stop believing in you." My voice started to croak but I continue, "Thank you, Peeta, for loving me through all of this, this chaos, this hell. Thank you for keeping your heart open to a closed girl. Thank you for giving me the love I never got… I love you," I begin to cry, the tears won't stop, not even when Peeta caresses my wet cheeks.

Peeta continues to caress my cheeks, and through the loud sobbing pouring out of my mouth, he gives me a small kiss. The tears seem to dry up, and he lets go. He lifts up the bread to my mouth, and I lift up my piece to his. We both chomp on the lightly crisped bread, and smile.

We both blow out the candle together and set it on the stand, he pushes it with his foot and it flies into the corner flawlessly. He bows his head and joins me on the bed, caressing my hair.

"Katniss," he says, kissing my neck slowly.

"Hmmm..?" I say, moaning a bit.

"I remember," he says, putting his finger under my chin and turning my head towards his.

"Remember what?" I say, smiling a bit and Eskimo kissing his nose.

"Everything."


	15. Chapter 15

I remember, I remember everything. It just came to me, right as I asked her… to marry me.

I still can't believe it, she said yes! Of all things, I thought she would laugh at me and blow the candle out. But she said it, my vows even made her cry…and she doesn't cry, ever.

I continue to kiss up her neck, her fingers travel around my hospital gown, and she moans softly. I kiss all the way to her lips and play with her shirt, teasing her. I grab her waist and drive my hips into hers, scratching her back and biting her lips. I want to do this with her, I need her to trust me, and her body seems like its already given in. I'm just waiting for her soul to give in too. I don't want to do this if she doesn't want to, I don't want to pressure her. That's the last thing I would want to happen to my wife.

_Wife… Gotta get used to that._

Katniss drives her lips into mine, rougher and rougher with each kiss. My arms tighten around her and I lift up her head, and I breathe deeply.

"Katniss… Do you want to do this? I don't want to force you into anything, I mean… That's the last thing I would want to do, because I love you, and I don't want to abuse this time… I just need your permission…" I look at her and she has a wide smile on her face.

"Yup, my Peeta's back," she lunges into me and kisses me more.

I take that as a yes.

My body turns her over so she's on the bottom; my hands slowly go up her shirt and feel her soft skin. She moans softly and undoes each strand of my patient dress; I blush and continue up her shirt. I dig my nails into her skin up and down, making her body fidget a bit. I feel goose bumps on her skin and laugh a bit; I go to the top of the shirt and take it off slowly. She looks at the shirt and watches me throw it onto the floor; she blushes and covers herself. I look at her; she's beautiful, absolutely beautiful.

"Katniss… You're beautiful," I cup my hand to her face, "you don't need to hide anything from me," I say waiting patiently for her hands to move away from her bra.

I go behind her back and unhook it; she looks at me and continues to kiss me. I feel the dress slowly fall off of my body. My natural reaction would be 'Grab it!' but I let it slide off. I trust Katniss, I trust her. Anyways, I have boxers on, so it's not a bit deal.

My hands go to her District 13 pants; they're baggy, nothing special. I undo the button and slowly slide it down her legs, kissing her neck and mumbling words into her ear. She moans and I play with the elastic on her panties, she urges me to continue, but I keep playing with her. She moans even louder, gripping the bed tightly. Katniss finally wraps her legs around me and bites her lips, taking off my boxers and seeing me get as red as a tomato. I slowly pull hers off and throw it next to her shirt and pants. I make my way back onto her and kiss her neck, body, and well… _Other places._

I move my hips and take a breath; she looks at me and moans loudly, putting her legs on my shoulders. I grab her legs and slowly ram into her hips, making her scream. I can't describe the feeling, but it's amazing. I never even thought she would let me do this with her… And I'm glad she did… I never want to feel it with anyone else, just Katniss. I continue the same slow pattern; I grunt and groan, continuously holding her hips to keep me steady. I go even slower and hunch my back over her; I kiss her and breathe hard. She moans loudly, her hands go to my hair and make me kiss her again. She then moves her hips into me, spreading her legs more.

This time I go harder, grunting louder and kissing her rougher. I feel her body go out, she moans even louder and her body lift up, and then go back down. She bites her lips hard and continues. I feel her body tense once in a while, and slow down. She urges me to go on, trying to push her body into me, but she can't. She can barely move, and I continue. I make her scream louder and louder, feeling all around her, touching her and pushing harder into her. I want more, and more, I don't want to stop. My body can't last though.

My eyebrows furrow and my body tenses, "K-Katniss… I…I'm..." I never finished the words, but she already knew what was about to happen. She pulls out quickly and I can see that she is just as tired as I am, if not more.

Her fingers play with my hair, and her eyes get drowsy, I see her fall asleep on my chest, while I continue to breathe heavily.

She finally trusts me.


	16. Chapter 16

My eyes slowly open and see a nude Peeta. I blush exceedingly, covering myself with a small blanket. He turns to me and opens his eyes, looking at me passionately, slowly bringing his hand up to my face.

"Was that real?" he asks in a daze, eyes heavy.

I nod my head, blushing and still covering my body. He chuckles a bit and lies back into his bed, sleeping again. I cover him with my blanket and begin to put my clothes on.

_Practice…Great_. I twitch my lips and quickly put my clothes on. I rush over to Peeta's side and give him a small kiss on his forehead. He snores loudly and pouts his lips, probably dreaming.

I quietly try to run out of the room, and safely get to mine, "Maybe Boggs isn't here," I mumble under my breath.

I see my hatch is undone, halfway smashed in, and someone drinking in my room. My first thought is Haymitch, but I'm wrong. Second thought, Boggs.

But it's Plutarch Heavensbee.

"Well, I see that you're late, Ms. Everdeen. Or should I say, Mrs. Mellark," he drinks his small tea and sets it on my bed.

My eyebrows knit, "Bring me to the practice," I say sternly. I don't want anyone to talk of what Peeta and I did last night.

"Please tell me, Mrs. Mellark, do you really believe he loves you? What if it's Snow's way to secretly kill you? Anyways, I don't think the doctor's really like you around him all the time." He takes his last sip of tea and stands up, brushing his outfit. "Let's go, Mrs. Mellark," Plutarch smiles and walks out.

The whole walk there is silent, not one sound comes out of Plutarch or my mouth. Finally we arrive at the training center, full of men and women in body gear fighting virtual peacekeepers and any other threats. I walk over to a small office and sit down. A tall, slender woman comes over and gives me a uniform, chest protectors, and a small device to place in my ear.

"Here you go, Katniss. Practice well or no dinner for you," says the women and walks out.

I go to the training room and Boggs is standing in the corner, looking irritated. I walk up to him and pat his shoulder. He snorts and brings me to a small machine, placing his card in and it turns into a weird vortex. He nudges me inside, and I get sucked into a mini-world.

It's the Capitol.

Peacekeepers are everywhere; cameras are watching every corner, maids and butlers walking around the huge mansion. I quickly hide behind two pots, and then roll out to a stairwell. I suck my chest in, trying to hide myself from two peacekeepers that walk close, then continue to move. I hear screams from the opposite end of the room, I cringe and try to find Snow's wing, but the screams sound so familiar. I shake my head and continue on, walking up the stairs and taking sharp turns from the cameras and peacekeepers view. The screams continue, louder and louder, I walk faster and arrive at a huge door, nearly thirty feet tall. I smell a familiar sent…

Blood and roses.

I hear the scream again and slowly open the door to see Snow sitting in a white chair, sleeping. The scream moves, and comes back, then moves again. I walk up to Snow and look around, no one here. I take out my gun and place it to his head. My mind races, my heart pounds, finally… revenge will be given. For every District, for everyone. For all those who died in the Hunger Games, and Quarter Quells, for all those who have suffered under the hand of Snow. For Peeta, for Rue. My finger presses again the gun.

_Bang_

Rule number one.

Never leave a door open.


	17. Chapter 17

I sit in my bed reaching into my tinkered brain. I try to pull out anything that will help me during this chaos, this chaos of Katniss leaving me. I slowly fit together the pieces of Snow, the war, the bombings…everything.

It all makes sense, everything he was talking about. Even before it happened, he was right. Now… My family is going… My home is gone… Everything was taken away from me. And I'm not letting Snow take Katniss from me.

Not now.

Not ever.

I roll over onto my good side and furrow my brows, deepening my knowledge in my memories. The good ones, the bad, and the ugly. My mother pops up, her angry face staring back at me in my head. Pop came up, his face warm, loving, and always caring to others. My idiot brothers, all in a row, throwing my iced cupcakes at each other. My family may not be with me physically, but I know they are here…somewhere… watching over me.

Tears drip from my eyes, slowly, constantly, and emotionally. I don't want to stop crying, I don't want my family gone. I don't want District 12 gone. I don't want _Katniss _gone.

I hold my breath and turn on my bad side, cringing from the everlasting pain. I squeal and close my eyes, trying to remember what Snow said to me while I was under the tracker jacker venom. I mostly remember mumbles, slaps to the face, electricity running through me. All the pains come back, even single one. I even remember an avox in the cell next to me… Right as the peacekeepers put the tracker jacker venom in her, she died. Johanna said she was lucky, Annie never spoke to us. Only trembled and whispered words. From then on it's a blur, a blur of words and fear.

_I have to go with Katniss; I have to go with her to protect her. From everything. Even if that means taking your own life to save her. You're her husband, no matter what happens. _The voice in my head sounds more confident then my own. _What if you can't protect her? What if… Snow gets her? And turns her into a monster just like you? She'll never be the same, she'll never think she loved you; she'll never care for you like you cared for her. She'll be different forever, and nothing can bring the old Katniss back. Ever._ I shake my head and breathe deeply getting up and facing towards the glass doors, readying myself. _It's a risk I'm willing to take._

I get up and walk slowly to President Coin's office, which is much farther than I expected. I passed by familiar faces, staring at me with scared eyes. I walk quickly, hoping to get to Coin's office faster, but it doesn't help. I knock slowly, once…twice…three times.

"Peeta, what are you doing up and about?" she says in a fake-worried tone.

I roll my eyes, I step up to her and say in a stern raspy voice, " I want to join the mission, to invade the Capitol," my voice dies out in the end and I cough.

"And why would you do such a stupid thing? The only task you'll accomplish is getting yourself killed," Coin laughs and walks away from me, pushing her elbow into my bad side.

I growl and step up to her, placing my cane at her feet, making her trip, "I may be weak, but I know more about the Capitol then all your History books and writings you've ever read. I can get around faster, and I know right where Snow is. Exactly. Trust me, Coin. It's like taking candy from a baby." I raise my eyebrows and pick my cane up.

"Why are you doing this, Mr. Mellark?" she says getting closer to me.

"Because Snow deserves to die."


End file.
